honestly tell me that its over

i need to be more honest.

but i have gotten to a point, where it got bad but its been better.

i used to say "it's not like that", but it's chaged to "it is what it is".

eff complicated things, like pink eye and being 20 and arguing everyday with the bf-type-on the rocks- deal.

i heard this one thing, and i found it funny and MAYBE true to this siuation. keyword: MAYBE.

"maybe i'm not supposed to eb over him, i mean look at how many times i tried. maybe there's a reason it's not working". hmm, that or theres good times and bad. people decide to stick with it or not. some people are good at persuadinga nd pitching this idea taht things are going to be perfect and you move in for the bait. who knows. livin' day by day baby. although one day i need to fess up- part one, not part two. this aint usher sh*t.

and i may write lata, but may i just CASUALLY mention how gorgeous rob kardashian is. oh my gawwwd.

stay strong sista

i need to stay strong thsi week.

i swear whenever josh and i break up i always turn to him if its like no one is available, and thsi week everyone was busy. aargh, then the whole britney thing. why am i calling it a thing? ouch. but its times like these that i would always just turn over and say i give up, and id turn to him. but im going to stay strong. this week will pass, and heres the weekend. if i get through this hump i can get through others because i am going to be alone, but it will be fun.

speaking of which, i ran into rebecca gamez today at brit's funeral. it was so refreshing to see her because since day one we just bonded. she was my mentor for a long time, and i hope we can establish that again. she's just so cool. it's chessy but she was my first and really only mentor i've had. i also hope to stay in touch with bridget and mark, i hope so. also mel, sarah and brit. it was so good seeing everyone that it was a sad scenario, but i was so happy to see everyone. i'm glad that some things pass. the 67 days are over, but the memories will always be there and the friendships as well. :)

get into your happy place

ya know when people say "just go to your happy place" whne you're extremely stressed or baout to SNAP? it never worked for me, because i just cant relax. no joke.

but here are things that sound IDEAL...

-listening to robin thicke's "lost without you" with a man you wuv. aww. ha! i am kinda romantic!

-maui, sunny day with light breezes. nuff said.

-a glass of white wine that's chilled so i can further unwind.

- sundresses. just because they make me feel happy.

-the smell of banana boat.

-okay, maybe in addition a pina colada.

- a snuggly puggy who- dammitt- the other day i had an ideal name for one! how about muffy for a girl and jamie for a boy. what? i think it's the cutuest name for a boy, and i normally would "save" it for when i have kids, but i don't think ill have a boy. the odds are against me. i wa sone of four girls, all three of my nieces are girls. so isn't it like a one in twelve chance? this is why i hate math, nor can i predict the outcome entirely because i don't know what ang will ahve, or that theresa and allison will have more kids, well allison, theresa's getting old. she's 36. ouch. well mom had ang at 38.

okay back to relaxing.

this is why i can't relax. my mind runs wild. and i think i ahve a headache. eff.

in addition; maybe slow dance. or nap. and watched snapped.

simply addicted to that effing show. hours just go by.

speaking of which, i heard that song "turn back teh hands of time". how the hell did r kelly sing that? wow. well, he also did "i believe i can fly". wait-did he? i'm youtubing it, no worries. it is. ok. got me thinking. wow. i'm pathetic. i still don't want to take action. hey. you know.

-and teddy bears. sunflowers. and a fantastic chapstick. and love. uncomplicated, non needy, just comforting smei arousing love.

for better or worse/ ignorance is bliss

for better or worse...

eff. i keep hearing things like that and they confuse me. like you hear about how these couples can just stick together through a rough patch then its all better. idk. i'm on a cigar lightheadedness. i hope this will ice over, that we can be happy bcause we re hot and cold i can just hope we can be hot for a little while.

on another hand, i'm young. i want to go out with my gfs, and just do my thing. i know i'll be lonely but i just want to be careless and selfish. and i know thats a bad thing, but whatev.

i'm also kinda tired of being a bad girl. its actually really fun, but the drinking, smoking and never satisfied is catching up to my old ways. not that any of those are that bad. i love weed though. why? idk. as of reently, i started thinking about being a role model again, like aspire to be miss america material and try hard, get good grdes, work your ass off at the gym, go to church, volunteer...hmmmph. i don't know when i'll clean up. now seems like a good time though. or in like six months when my teeth start looking better when i eventually go to the denist and get invisalign. i'll always be wild though. idk...

"ignorance is bliss". so today was the whole i was w/jojo when we saw cody with another girl. awkward. oh man.

i was planning on writing more but im upset,pms-y, among other things and need a glass of wine.

Are you a romantic?